Who am I?

To answer who I am, I need to first have a repeatable process of defining who anybody is?

I have been mulling over this theory of identity for years (since ~2016), and while I have no grand misgivings that I have finally solved the question of "who am I?" that has plagued better minds for ages, this provides my cotton candy brain a structured way to think about who I am atleast.

Conceptually, the theory is fairly simple. Imagine that every human being on the planet has an equal sized blank piece of paper/canvas that never changes in size. 

Now imagine that you could draw different sized boxes on it. Each box is a function of something along the lines of "I am _____". e.g. - I am Austrian. I am Vegan. I am kind. I am rude. I am into action movies. I am the biological child of Laura and Jack. The sum total of these boxes define who you are.

Each box has a few defined characteristics

• Shape - All boxes are rectangular shaped but can have varying dimensions 

• Size - The relative size defines how much of that box defines your identity for yourself. e.g. - If your nationality barely matters to you, the box for nationality is small compared to your box for something you associate more strongly with such as "I am an accountant". 

• Mutability - All boxes are always mutable. No exceptions. 

  • While one could argue that some things such as biological gender might be hardcoded "I am a male", this is less of a box than how you identify with a gender.  If you feel like a male being born a male, then sure the box does not change but that is not to say it can not change. If you identify as a distinct gender, you are free to change your box to "I am _____"

  • Boxes also get added and disappear over time. Easiest one to understand is when you pick up new skills over time. Once you start playing the harp "I am a harp player" is a new box. Sizes for all other boxes adjust accordingly

TODO: Figure out how to do dirty sketches digitally.

So who am I?

Now is the right time to write why this is the first page being listed out. As of at the time of writing this, I am undergoing sort of an Identity crises. Not the sort that hits folks mid career. I have already had one of those at the ripe age of 23. This one has to do more with that my boxes were taken away from me. Sort of like losing your limbs if you were a long distance runner. I don't have the mental or emotional capacity to go into the incident. 

This will not an exhaustive list of all the boxes I have but a general commentary about how I have often thought about boxes. 

While I mentioned that boxes are mutable, I believe there are two types of boxes. Core boxes that benefit from a slower rate of change compared to routine boxes that are just a sum of your everyday routines.

Core boxes are your internal value system. "I am kind" "I am arrogant" "I am an accountant" (for some - work defines their self). Core boxes should be dealt with care. Any abrupt changes to core boxes are hard to adminster or adapat to. Which is why sudden changes in personalities are often accopmanied by a short term loss of idenity for the individual. Unfortunately, that is the case here. 

Who do I want to be?

Time to replace some boxes. 

Time to retain some boxes be. 

Time to shed some boxes.